One Step Closer

The sun is dancing on the water, the circular ripples rise and fall unevenly on the mossy rocks in the shallows, making bubbles and quiet gushes. A small plane revs on the island ahead, the first I've heard since from here since lockdown. I can't see it, the sun blinds me.

My walk to this point had the smells of the trees I miss and the dewy smell of grass on a Summer's morning. And a thought occured to me - "This is my home." And it repeated. "This is my home."

I felt my shoulders drop. I felt the air fill my lungs more than a third. I felt the tears come. And I held it all, embraced it, looked around and smiled out loud.

A wave of freedom, gratitude, happiness, grounded-ness. Birds and blue lake fill me and let me release some of what I've spent so long clinging on to. I am mine, and mine alone. And I am doing it, I am doing what I want to do. And it's working. 

Writing this out, I'm struggling so hard not to qualify this, but that would be revisionist history, and my mind has worked hard enough to get this sure of itself, the least I can do is record this moment as it is.